I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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