like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
