My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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