I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
