As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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