He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
