you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
