currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
