Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All the doctor said was why
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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