it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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