Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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