I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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