I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize