We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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