i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
