they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
this is an emotional support booty call
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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