I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
