Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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