I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
