My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
