i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
