She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
