The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
