he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
