Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
