Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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