I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
