So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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