she woke up with a sticky ear
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
