A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
