Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
