we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
