I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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