hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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