u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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