I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
