imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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