im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
