bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
