I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
