you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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