Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
