I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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