after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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