So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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