life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
