he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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