woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
