This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
