living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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