sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
