Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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