yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
