Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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