the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
