It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
