and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
