First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
