totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
