I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize