i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
