She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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