my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize