i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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