brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
