That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
