writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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