I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
