I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
