Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's on the porch naked. Help.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
