Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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