I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
