I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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