she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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