I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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