I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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