I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
