He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
