finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
