Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
