you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
